"...I Don't Know Why They Say Grown Men Can't Cry"

Do you? 

Recently, we have had a series of serious fires that have taken a deadly toll. Deadliest was a fire in Syracuse NY that occurred early yesterday morning (5/6/16) at approximately 4:30 AM. The fire was reported by neighbors who advised dispatchers that they had heard an explosion, followed by additional 911 calls advising the house was on fire. Upon arrival, firefighters were faced with a blazing inferno engulfing a multi-story, single-family home. Neighbors advised that a family of people were still inside. Just as crews were ready to make entry through the front, the entire porch from collapsed, blocking the way in.

Just as almost everyone of us would do, they immediately attempted to find an alternative way to get into the house. They raised ladders to the second floor; they search for ways on ingress through first-floor windows. However, due to the spread of the fire and its intensity, it took Syracuse's Bravest nearly thirty minutes to darken the flames. Once they did and were able to get inside, they found one young female, approximately 7 years old, and five males, ages, 10, 12, 13, 33 and 34, all deceased. One female in her 30's did get out alive, but seriously injured and another male, also in his 30's, was not home at the time.

From 1981 through 1985, I lived in the town of DeWitt, which bordered the east side of the City of Syracuse. One of the chiefs of the volunteer department I was a member of, was a Syracuse firefighter. And as happens, members of our department had numerous opportunities to work with the SFD or enjoy recreation times together. These were and I am absolutely certain, still are today, a terrific bunch of firefighters who always give 150% on the job.

Just as happens with our brothers and sisters in Law Enforcement, who pass through an entire career, never having to pull their gun, many of us go through our time on the job, without experiencing a fatality. However, for those of us who have lost a victim, no matter the cause, it hits us like a punch in the gut. Losing a victim goes against everything we joined for - to save lives and property in our communities. And our comrades in Syracuse felt, and probably still feel, as if they were kicked in the gut and head, time after time. 

In an emotional interview to the press, one of the chiefs from Syracuse said that what he remembers is the tears in the eyes and one the faces of his firefighters. In a blog like this, some might say, "Hey, it's part of the job. Suck it up!" However, when we look in the mirror, the person who stares back at us knows the truth and that's that many, if not, most of us, have also shed tears at the scene or shortly thereafter, a tragic loss. No matter how gung-ho we are or think we are, we're not made of stone and we're not robots without emotions. We are men and women, just like the people we have sworn to protect and there are incidents that we just cannot mitigate and result in a loss of life. And when that happens, we express our sorrow and sadness.

I'm sure we've all heard from some of our older colleagues or those retired, stories they tell that begin with, "Back in the day..." And they'll tell us they didn't wear bunker pants, didn't wear SCBA, didn't lock into a ladder, etc. And they may even tell us of a tragic call and they just kept on doing their job. Maybe some did. For most, I believe it's bullshit! 

Nevertheless, some of us are still reticent to allow our fellow firefighters to see us cry. If that includes you, then tell me why? What are you afraid of? That you won't measure up to the others? That your comrades will look at you like your a wuss? That's your either less of a man to the others or, if you're a female, that the guys will think, "Sure she's crying. She's a girl! That's why they don't belong on the job?" Again, I say, "Bullshit!"

However, have you thought about the consequences of holding it in? Of trying to sublimate your feelings somewhere deep inside a part of your mind that no one else will ever see? 

Some of our top chief, leaders and instructors will still remember the terrible crash of  American Airlines Flight 191, a DC-10 in Chicago, just after take-off, back in 1979. The plane crashed into a trailer park and a part of a former, smaller airport, killing all on board and two on the ground. It is still the worst airline accident in the United States. 

Besides the ARFF crews who immediately responded, dozens of firefighters from surrounding career and volunteer departments responded as well. As one firefighter said in an interview, "We didn't see one body intact." Everyone pitched in to do the job they were supposed to do. Yet, by the next day, many who had been on-site, found themselves acting what they considered, irrationally. One chief remarked that on the next morning, he climbed into his truck to go to work and wound up sitting there, in his driveway, crying for the next half-hour or so.

Though both medical and psychiatric professionals were aware of odd behavior on the part of our brave men and women returning from tours in Viet Nam, there was no official medical term for this behavior until 1980, when the phrase, "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," was finally adopted by the American Psychiatric Association. And, it was in the follow-up of the American Airlines crash, with dozens of our fellow firefighters finding themselves unable to return to being the same person they were just prior to their response to the crash, that PTSD was noted to be a true reaction by first responders to a major incident. 

Today, we have some wonderful people, some still on the job, some retired, and some who left, working hard to assist all firefighters from falling into the dark abyss of PTSD. Think about the past year or so and how much attention has been directed to the tragic problem of firefighter suicides. There are a plethora of causes for these tragedies, we know some to be job-stress, family stress, repeated exposure to tragedy and many more.

Look, we all have emotions. In the same way that a baby's cooing or laugh fills us up with joy, exposure to tragedy cuts us deeply. We just don't have to keep it to ourselves; we do not have to suck it up.

I just don't know why they say grown men can't cry.

Stay Safe and Every One Goes Home

 

FOLLOW THE STEPS TO HELP "CAUSE & ORIGIN"

This is the procedure to get to Amazon Studios to help promote "CAUSE & ORIGIN" as a TV show through Amazon:
(p.s. If you don't have an Amazon ID, you can register for one absolutely free on the Studios' home page! Thanks)

Here’s how to get to the site:

1. Click on this address: http://studios.amazon.com
2. Log in using your normal Amazon account credentials.
3. Click on the “magnifying glass” icon on the top right corner of the page.
4. When the search box opens, type in, “Cause & Origin”
5. It will appear in the search box as, “Cause & Origin” Steven’s Project – SELECT THAT!
6. It will bring you to our (my) page. Scroll down and you’ll find the “Creative Notes” and the “Logline,” which is a brief description.
7. To read the script, click on the initials, “PDF” next to a blue & white button that says, “ADD COVER IMAGE.”
8. When you’re done, it will bring you back to the main page and you can vote the number of stars and leave comments. You can also choose to follow our developments by clicking on the “Follow” icon.
9. Thank You Very Much!

 

How Many Lives Are Forty Percent? Forty Percent of What?

This post that you will read here, encompasses an extremely important issue that many first responders, especially, firefighters, EMT/Paramedics and Police Officers, must be made to read!! "Why?" you ask. Because for the year 2012-2013, forty percent (40%) of the firefighters who died either during or subsequently to responding to and/or working at a major, physically exhausting call, did so as a result of a medical condition.

I approach this important issue from three levels. I was a volunteer firefighter at two departments, one in NC and one in NY from 1977-1981 until an injury took me out-of-service. I earned my EMT-I and II in NC and also worked for the county EMS there for eight months, before we moved up to NY. Finally, I spent twelve years as the administrator of a medical practice, where the doctor used me for "other" duties, as well.

Throughout the entire time and even til today, I have never stopped reading FireHouse Magazine. For many years, other than visiting firehouses wherever I went, the magazine was my key connection to the fire-rescue service. And every month, I would read the LODD dedications and wonder why...why were so many firefighters dying? Not just dying, but dying from what looked like conditions unrelated to the last call or calls they had been on. 

You see, I guess I was lucky. Because during my brief years of service, I did not experience a LODD either in my own or the surrounding departments. We had some close calls in both locales, but no fatalities.

On the other hand, I've never been considered "svelte," at least not since I was seven years old. I started packing on extra pounds at that age and yo-yo'd the rest of my life. I was the last kid chosen by the others to be on a team in neighborhood sports. I had the cheeks that all of my late aunts loved to pinch. Finally, in college, I started to drop some weight by playing softball with friends. 

I've now been married over forty years and my wife is a terrific cook and baker. So through most of those 40 years, my weight has fluctuated, but it was always my decision to lose weight. I never waited for my doctor to tell me. I knew it myself when it was tough to button a pair of pants or my suit jackets were getting too tight.When that happened, I'd go "back on the wagon," and drop 15-25 pounds. I'd keep it off for several months, sometimes longer. But then the extra pounds renewed their attach and started to creep back on.

Finally, partly due to determination and partly due to meds that I have to take continually for my severe back condition, I've lost about 30 pounds and kept it off for almost a year now. Funny thing is, my back injury doesn't allow me to walk as much as I used to, so I exercise my bending my elbows....and pushing myself away from the dinner table!

As I'm sure you'll agree, we are part of a wonderful family. No matter where we serve, no matter if we're volunteers, career folk or paid-on-call responders, a firefighter is always a firefighter. Thus, as I read the LODD bulletins that come through my email or I read the articles online, in the paper or watch them on the news, every loss saddens me, especially those that might have been prevented. For some are simply not preventable and that's the first fact that we have to acknowledge, whether we like it or not.

However, we see that the rate of LODD's caused by health problems is nearly 40% of all LODD's, it must give us pause. As a popular commercial for heart disease demonstrates, no one really knows when they will have a heart attack, an aneurism or a stroke. What we can and do know is if we are out of physical conditioning to do our jobs. Sure, you may have passed a PAT test 15 years ago, but where are you now, especially if you're in a smaller department, that doesn't require annual or semi-annual physical exams? Do you still smoke or chew tobacco? What is your resting blood pressure? Pulse? What is your weight today compared to what it was when you entered the job? Has an officer, your spouse/significant other or doctor told you you need to lose weight? If so, have you heeded their call or brushed them off.

Remember the old TV show, "Home Improvement," where Tim Allen played the host of a TV show aimed at "real men," with "real power tools!" The more power, the more Tim howled and growled. While that was funny on TV, it can all too often lead to a tragedy in real life. Your doctor tells you to drop 25 pounds. "Yeah, Doc, sure," you reply, knowing full well that the doctor has no idea how hard you swung the sledge earlier that day to take out a heavy door. You tell yourself that those 25 pounds that he/she is complaining about is really what gives you that extra bulk, that power, to do your job! Horse shit! And you know it!

There's no doubt in my mind that over 90% of us love what we do. We love the action, we love the thrill, we love the services we perform and we don't want anything to get in the way of that. But ask yourself, "What else do I love?" Think about that for a moment or two. Then make a list of what else you love, i.e. your wife, your kids, your parents, your significant other, your siblings, your friends. Which ones are you ready to cross off the list first. What's more important to you, the job that you love or the people that you love and love you?

Remember, we can't control when and where the Devil wants to dance, but we can decide what kind of a "dance partner" he's going to face!

Stay Safe and let's make sure, "Every One Goes Home!"

So Why Do You Want Us to Read More About DALMATPROD???

On our Twitter posts @DalmatProd, we use the 140 characters to support all Fire-Rescue, EMS & Law Enforcement agencies and the people that they work for.  So why are we so involved with emergency services? The first answer to that is that the four key partners of Dalmatian Productions, Inc., are still or have been, members of the fire-rescue or law enforcement services. But more than that is that it is a goal to bring to open television, a program that focuses on many facets of the fire department, be it career or volunteer or paid-on-call.

There were some great shows in the old days, such as, "WhirlyBirds," "Rescue9." "Firehouse." "Code-Red,"and almost every one's favorite, "EMERGENCY!" This show had such a positive influence on its viewers, that hundreds, if not thousands, entered the fire service and EMS (Emergency Medical Services) as their career path.

I know I did and a good-sized group of people I know also went in as either career or volunteers, based on their viewing experiences from watching. "EMERGENCY!" week after week.

Yet, even after the Tragedy of 9-11 2001, firefighters were in the headlines for a few weeks and then their stories tapered off on the local news affiliates. Yet no one came up with a strong, positive show that could entertain the viewing audience, deliver subtle, but distinct educational content, especially for youngsters and help the plight of those brave souls of your local fire-rescue "barn,"who have made either a major sacrifice and those who made the Ultimate Sacrifice and perished in the midst of their action.

Yet, the question remains unanswered: Why are we on Twitter, "tweeting" about firefighters, cops, EMT's and Paramedic and similar issues?

It has taken over 10 years to finally generate some interest in the vast land of "American Television" for a program that is ours.We will tell a fictional story, with very, very true segments and parts to it, that will show you just what most local departments have to do, one way or another. 

I would love to share the title and a real description of the show to you, however, we haven't reached that point yet. And as I am sure you all realize, TV, Films, Hollywood, they are all part of an upper level attorney's dreams, because the business is so litigious. A law suit is filed in a local, district, state or federal court every few seconds in this business. So even though I can't tell you ALL about the show, that should be enough to whet your whistles. And now the answer to your big question, WHY?

At the moment, are show has excellent names in the talent-representation  and productions business reviewing our synopsis and the script for the pilot episode. But in this business, that's not enough. Sometimes show-writers and producers have to hear the excitement from a live audience and through snail-mail, email, and hand delivery  of thousands of a selected product relevant to the show. And THIS is where YOU come in.

We hope to build up a huge group of followers who are firefighters, paramedics, EMT's, ambulance attendants, Emergency Room doctors,  psychiatric doctors, and fire buffs, one and all. We want you ready when we actually announce that she show's pilot episode script is picked up, to give the studio or production company that will produce the show, a great deal of support.

And there's another thought: Maybe they like the idea, but are unsure if the show will go over with the targeted office. The studio heads may need "encouragement" to look at our show and to decide yo give it a chance. Again, that's where all of you will come in.

Let's look at it this way: There are nearly one million firefighters in the U.S. with between 60%-70% of that number being volunteers or paid-per-call firefighters. Nevertheless, whether they do this as their job or they give so much of their private time of which there is so little, you all have a voice, due to the fact that you work, you pay taxes, you buy gas, you have a home, etc.

In Hollywood-land, one never knows what's going to happen, unless and until it actually does. So we want to come to you and share the news with you. Maybe, we'll have to ask you to help us by calling, writing or mailing the studio, to tell them you want to see our show! Or maybe. it will be the news that a studio is picking up our show and there's cause to celebrate as firefighters are so ready to do.

So, please follow us on Twitter using @DalmatProd and keep abreast with what's happening with our show. In the meantime, we follow many of you and would love to hear your good news as well.

Till next time...

"Why Don't They Believe Me??"

"Sure, your back hurts. Mine does too. Now get back to work!!"

Have you heard that when telling your supervisor that you can't go to work? I know I did, multiple times. You try, you really do try. You take a couple Advil, Motrin or Aleve, hoping that they'll take the edge off just enough to allow you to get out of bed, get dressed and head to the workplace. But it doesn't happen, does it? So why do those closest to us, either in our family or at work, think we're faking this horrible pain that back pain brings?

Let's go back to my first or second post for a moment. Eighty percent of adult Americans experience some form of back pain every year. Of that group, the cause for about 80% of them is muscular in nature. That means that they have strained or "pulled" a muscle in their backs. Most will see out a medical provider, as some of those injuries can producer a significant amount of pain. The "cure" most often recommended is 2-3 days of bed rest and moist heat, several times a day and a couple of OTC (Over the Counter) pain relievers, as needed. Additionally, after each heat treatment, perform some light stretching exercises. This will often help alleviate the pain and allow the muscles to loosen and not cramp up.

So what about the other 20%? If you're reading this blog, you're a member of this group like I am. Our pain is much deeper and much more difficult to ascertain and to cure. Some of us will never see a cure, only mitigation (a lessening of the pain level). This pain come from a skeletal deformation, either congenital or due to accidental injury, the causes parts of the body structure to impinge on a nerve or nerves. Often, this pain in debilitating and excruciating, needing medications much more powerful than an OTC and treatments much more elaborate than warm, moist heat, even surgery.

We've all seen scenes on television or perhaps in real life where someone has ridden a horse for the first time and dismount, rubbing their butts. However, if you've never ridden a horse, how can they explain to you what they feel so that you'll understand?

Luckily, I've been with the same PCP (primary care provider, whom I'll call, "Joe") since 1986. First his late father took care of me and when Dad retired, he took over. We've been family friends as well for all that time. And it actually was his father who was taking care of me when my disc first popped in 1992. So Joe knows all about my back pain. As a matter of fact, I even worked in Joe's office for almost 12 years as his Administrator and all during that time, I was only able to work part-time due to my pain.

For a long time, Joe tried to understand what I was going through. "Where was this pain" he asked. "How much does it hurt?" I explained until I was "blue in the face," and while he was very sympathetic, he never quite got it. I said to him, "You really can't appreciate this intractable pain unless you've had it." He agreed and we moved on.

However, just about two years ago, Joe experienced severe back pain. Pain that was so severe, there were days he couldn't make it to his office for his appointments. And that was very much uncharacteristic for him. As you can imagine, every time we saw each other, Joe wanted to know more and more about my pain and we'd discuss his symptoms. Finally, he reached a point and through a thorough exam by an excellent neurosurgeon, Joe was forced to undergo back surgery for a herniated disc.

He tolerated the procedure well and was hopefully on the road to recovery. He did well for several months. Then one day, while simply standing in the pool at his apartment complex, he experienced excruciating pain. The pain was so bad, he couldn't walk in the water. He sent someone up to his apartment to retrieve the walker he had used after his surgery and using that, he was just able to make it back upstairs and into bed.

Initially, he thought that it couldn't be related to his initial injury. It had to be something else, quite temporary and coincidental. As we've all heard, doctors make lousy patients. Joe was stubborn and pushed himself through the pain to get to the office to see his patients. Yet, after numerous injections and other minimally invasive procedures, another MRI showed that certain pieces of the original disc had not been seen (thus not removed) during the initial surgery. It was back to the surgical table for Joe.

I visited him in the hospital and I remember him finally caving in and admitting that he never had been truly able to comprehend the depth of my pain over all those years, until he experienced it himself. Thankfully this time, Joe has made a full recovery and is backing seeing zillions of patients every weekday, being the outstanding physician he is. And that's why your boss doesn't believe you when you complain about severe back pain. Unless that is, he/she saw you run over by the inebriated fork-lift driver and pinned to the bale of scrap paper.

However, it is imperative for you to know that you're not alone. Let me know what you think!

Where Does it All Begin? Or Does it?

Let's review the basic facts again:

In any given year:

• 80% of American adults with suffer back pain
• 80% of those people's pain will be muscular, meaning it's a simple pulled muscle that can often be treated with 2-3 days bed rest and warm, moist heat.
• The other 20% will suffer from neuro-skeletal injury, meaning actual damage to a disc or other part of the skeletal frame that impinges on a nerve causing severe pain

That's where I was starting in 1992 and still am today, March of 2015 and I have not had a day without serious pain in all that time. What puzzles me, as well as all my doctors, surgeons, therapists, etc., is why, if my injury occurred in 1978, did it take 14 years for my injury to manifest itself? I use the term, "puzzles" because no one has been able to answer that question. 

To briefly recap, in 1978, with about 10 months as a volunteer firefighter, my department sent me and a couple of other guys to the state fire college. I was enrolled in the state's basic firefighting skills course. It consisted in two days of classroom learning and then two days of live fireground skills. My buddy and I were split up into two different groups.

We had undergone good training back at our department, but this way, we'd have state certification. Of the five guys in my group, I was the only one who had some decent experience on the nozzle during actual fires, so I was placed at the end of the line in the live burn exercises.

The state had procured several ramshackle houses that were to be torn down anyway and we'd use those for the practice burns. We were paired up and the training officer had the building lit off and we went to work. Because I was the last one in the sequence, I didn't have my chance until the second day of the burns and I was the last one to go in for that day. My partner in this exercise was a young kid from a small town where he was a public safety officer. If you don't know that term, it's used for people hired to be both a police officer and a firefighter. They would patrol on their shifts, but also carry their bunker gear in their vehicle and respond on a working fire. He had never been in a real fire, never been on the nozzle, and only put on an SCBA in practice.

By the time my turn on the nozzle came, the insides of our building were pretty well burned through. Walls had holes, ceiling was coming down and loose boards were all over the place. I have this rookie behind me and, since this is the last burn of the program, they arced the entire place off! I was just cracking the nozzle open when a set of SCBA bells started to ring. No, not mine, my partner's, who is supposed to stand behind me taking the hose pressure off me. Instead, he drops the hose and starts to yell, "I'm outta air!! Outta air! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die," and turns around and dives out the front door.

So here I am with 100psi at the tip and the training officer to my left at about 3-4 feet. If I drop the hose, he's a dead man! So, I tuck the hose between my arm and my side and try to knock down the fire that was directly in front of us. As I do, I work to close the bale slowly, but the pressure is still high and as I take a side-step, my left leg falls through a burned-out section of the floor. I collapse into the hole up to my crotch with my right leg curled up and I feel this explosion of pain in my left knee. (Did he say "knee?" I thought this was about a back injury!) Don't worry, it is.

Now I'm really up shit's creek. I've hurt my knee, I look like a little-person dressed as a firefighter and I'm trying to close down this nozzle before I let it go flying around the room. I finally manage to do so and take a breath. I close the nozzle and drop the hose. Still wearing my air-mask I begin yelling, "I'm hurt! I'm hurt!" 

For some reason, the officer thinks I'm saying, "I'm tired, I'm tired." We're both yelling at each other and not getting anywhere. I somehow manage to lift my damaged leg out of the hole and role over to grasp the edge of a wall. Favoring my left leg, I hobble over to the front door, tear my mask off and tried to walk out the door. One step and I fell over and down the three steps to the ground, where several firefighters were milling around. Next thing I know, someone is cutting up the left leg of my bunker pants and getting the SCBA and coat off me.

By this time, my left knee is the size of a seedless watermelon. I'm packaged up and shipped off to the local Emergency Room. X-rays were shot, however, even today, they don't serve injuries to cartilage and soft tissues well. I was placed in a knee immobilizer and sent back the the hotel with instructions to see my orthopedist upon my return to Greensboro.

As it turns out, from 1978 through 1992, everyone involved, doctors, physical therapists, etc. all believed that the major injury I suffered was blowing out my left knee. The following December, I had the first of what wound up being five surgeries on that knee. However, throughout it all, we never suspected that there was another injury hiding somewhere in my lower lumbar spine.

Until one day in September 1992.....

It's Been a Long Time & I Have No Excuses!

If you had read my first several posts to this Blog, I humbly ask for your forgiveness. This subject is far too important for me to have left it wallow in the shadows. I'm very sorry. There are no excuses for me to offer other than a foolish error on my part. That's it. But now that I'm back here, I plan on making good and continuing the blog.

When I read over the last post I made in 2013, I have been in touch with my friend, "Fred" since that time. Fred has had a very painful and difficult time with his back injury. It cost him the job that he loved (a Florida deputy sheriff and K-9 officer) and hours and hours spent arguing with Worker's Compensation, having to hire an attorney, etc. And as bad as this sounds, it's all too common for those of us who have suffered severe back injuries. Fred faced one of the common arguments with his employer, he was milking a minor injury to get money from the county!  Yet, even providing hundreds of pages or medical documents from his doctor, from the Workman's Compensation doctor, as well as an independent third physician, the department fought with him at every turn. The MRI's and CAT scans meant nothing. Not even the fluoroscopic pictures taken during his surgery, were dismissed out of hand.

As I said, neither his injury nor his story, is unique. My situation back in 1992 did even last that long. The last day I was physically able to get out of bed and go to work was on September 15th. By mid-October, shortly after undergoing an MRI where it was determined that I had a significant herniation at L4-L5, the owner of the company where I had worked for over two years as the operations manager, sent me my check for September, hoping that I would feel better soon and good luck with my future. I could check back with him when I was able to return to work and he would be kind enough to see if there might be a position for me somewhere in the company.

What truly saved my ass was a disability policy I had purchased, against my judgement, mind you, when I was 30 years old. I figured that disability policies were for people on crutches, in wheelchairs, etc. I was an able-bodied young man, a volunteer firefighter/EMT. Why did I need this type of insurance? Who could have know that almost ten years later, that policy would help me continue to pay for a new home that I had purchased just two months earlier. Thus, if you're not too far into your journey with chronic pain, you may want follow-up with an insurance agent to see what you may be able to do to secure disability insurance.

Next: To Cut or Not To Cut - THAT is the Question!